{"id":76,"date":"2017-08-04T02:20:56","date_gmt":"2017-08-04T02:20:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.petermcunningham.com\/blog\/?p=76"},"modified":"2023-01-19T02:16:13","modified_gmt":"2023-01-19T02:16:13","slug":"ban-god-damned-party-bike-instant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.petermcunningham.com\/blog\/ban-god-damned-party-bike-instant\/","title":{"rendered":"Ban that God Damned Party Bike This Instant"},"content":{"rendered":"

And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on its horns, and on each head a blasphemous name.<\/p>\n

– Revelation 13:1<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

There’s little doubt that we live in dark times. The vexing question, the one that drives us mad and cleaves us apart, is from whence the darkness comes, and by what is it manifested.<\/p>\n

For some, the darkness is ancient prophecy, encroaching on all sides as a nebulous and disembodied Other. For others, the avatar of darkness bursts from within\u2014persistent, ageless, built by our own hands and made flesh by our own closest friends and neighbors.<\/p>\n

Each of these ideas is wrong.<\/p>\n

The darkness is here, and it’s that God Damned Party Bike.<\/p>\n

The God Damned Party Bike<\/h2>\n

Those of my readers who spend any time in New Haven will likely be familiar with the God Damned Party Bike<\/a>. It’s something like an open air bus with a long bar down the middle. Its passengers sit facing inward. At each of its dozen or so seats, a set of bicycle wheels.<\/p>\n

They pedal. From bar to bar, they pedal, inching at a glacial pace down public roads, shouting and honking their shrill horn. This horn, it sounds like the horn a baby would honk on its plastic toy ambulator, but louder, and operated by grown adults who should know better.<\/p>\n

Regular people, those not on some God Damned Party Bike, get agitated at the God Damned Party Bike, and the God Damned Party Cyclists take their agitation, consistently, somehow, to be some kind of approving co-revelry. It’s not. It never is.<\/p>\n

Why is this horseshit allowed on our streets?<\/p>\n

Enough of This Farce<\/h2>\n

I am officially and desperately asking, openly, anyone with the power to do so\u2014ban this God Damned Party Bike.<\/p>\n

Mayor Elicker, your reelection is coming up. Which demographic is bigger, in your reckoning? People on party bikes, or those who want to be rid of them? Why does your ire for dirt bikes not extend to party bikes?<\/p>\n

Governor Lamont, no one knows how to have a good time better than you<\/a>. But surely, you understand there is a time and a place. Surely you understand.<\/p>\n

God. Dear God. Please.<\/p>\n

Ban that God Damned Party Bike this instant.<\/p>\n

Note: This righteous screed was updated in July 2022 to reflect new elected leadership in New Haven and Hartford.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Image Credit: La B\u00eate de la Mer, by Kimon Berlin, user:Gribeco (Unknown) [GFDL<\/a>, CC-BY-SA-3.0<\/a> or CC BY-SA 2.5-2.0-1.0<\/a>], via Wikimedia Commons<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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